12 Hours

12 hours by Luke Tonks

Sitting in the park opposite my home, in the dead of night and staring up at the stars, thinking of home the boys, all the boys I’ve left behind, all the ones I’ve wanted to spend forever with, now barely remember their names, and why this one has to go, and leave me alone, it was supposed to be me, me who leaves, the inevitable closing of the door, the blank stare when the, “why? Let’s give it another go...” comes along. My eyes well up, my lids useless buckets overflowing and staining my face with their salty contents. Its 5 to midnight and I’m not in the least bit tired, the thoughts running through my head won’t allow for tiredness, only for confusion.

The walls around it speak nothing of what you would normally thing of as a park, more like a space on a plate where there once was a cake, or a bomb site where there was once a row of house’s, shops, life, Eire, but nice enough, the grass scorched from the hot summer beneath me is dry as I lie down with my arms splayed out on the grass.

“Thought I’d find you here”
He stands at the gate, skinny body, well dressed, dry sense of humour, his voice echoing around the boxed park.
“Hey, you left early without saying goodbye”
“Yeah, mm I know I couldn’t really stand it, all those people. What you doing here?”
“Came to find you, plus I couldn’t really stand it either, Janine, and Mark, and the rest of them where well pissed, you know how it gets? Embarrassing?”
He comes closer and sits on the grass next to me, stokes my hair, and I turn to face him, stare at his face, it seems so unfamiliar now.
“I can’t understand it, I still can’t, you leaving, I never thought it would actually happen”
“Don’t, don’t ruin it for me, I thought you’d be happy for me”
“What?” my hand brushes my face wiping the tears away
“I’m only going to Uni, it’s not like I’ll be gone forever.”
“Always knew this day would come … you know, you’re going to make new friends, and forget about me, forget about all of us, you’ve outgrown us”
“Hey Scott, you’ve had a few to drink, you don’t mean that.”
“No I do, you’re different from us Frankie WE ARE NOT LIKE YOU, I’ll still be here, in 5 years, probably still working in the same café, I can’t be someone that you just see on the holidays, I just can’t, I can’t just slot in when you need me, it doesn’t work like that, I don’t work like that.”
“What? So you’re ending it? You’re such a hypocrite, I never wanted to end it, and deep down you don’t, I know you don’t.”
I don’t say anything, because I know what ever comes out of my mouth will be a lie, because I don’t, I know this man, I reach out and hold him, brush my hands through his blonde dry curls on his head. Feel his warm skin, listen to the sound of his breath on my neck, and it hurts, it hurts because I know, I know deep down that it’s never going to be the same again. I can see it now, all the cute guys he’ll meet, in the first week. Cute, intelligent, interesting, I pale in comparison, I don’t stand a chance.
He pulls away from me and looks at me with his brown eyes, “Don’t do this to yourself”
“What? I don’t feel bad, I just want to enjoy this last night with you, I so don’t want to be the boyfriend at home, you know I don’t want that, I think we should break up, let’s not ruin it, let’s not think bad of each other, or draw it out too long”
“Shit, I never expected that, is this honestly what you want? I love you, you know?”
“Thanks”
“Thanks?”
“Yeah. What times your dad droppin’ you off?”
“Changing the subject?” smiling and gives me a shuv, “If you must know it’s gonna be about 12, you comin’ or what? Or you planning on stayin here all night?”

He grabs my hand and we walk into the hazy night and the street lights lighting our way like a gothic black and white silent still. The way back I let him lead the way, I rest on his arm, we don’t say a word, the simple understanding we have, and the knowing that this moment is all we have. Suddenly a Blue door stands in front of us, his home.
“I don’t want to go home”
“It’s my dad though; you know he doesn’t let me have boys over.”
I look at him roll my eyes, and bat my lashes.
“Well, I suppose what he don’t know won’t hurt him, I could sneak you in” his smile, again, this is why we got together in the first place, because nothing else matters when I see that smile.
He turns the key on the lock and looks around to me pressing his finger to his lips, so cute, I want to kiss him. We stumble through the door and head quietly up the stairs to his room which lies directly opposite the stairs. He closes the door behind me, and turns to face me, kisses me on the neck the face, his hands running down my back and into my boxers. Me gripping onto him and wanting him so badly, We stumble over to the bed still clutching each other and he falls back onto it, me climbing on top of him and pulling his buttoned shirt over his head, I run my fingers over his chest, wondering if this is the last time, our last time. His skin is hot to the touch and I feel his hard cock press against my thigh which makes me so hot for him. He releases my button from my jeans and pulls them down, I make love to him for what seems like hours, as if time stands still, and then collapse in a heap of sweat and heat, the open window bringing breeze in, as we hold each other’s naked bodies beneath the white cotton sheets.

Groggy, I look over to the window, light pours through, the morning is silent, beautiful, I lie there thinking about when we first met over 2 years ago, fresh out of school, and the beautiful times we spent together, how inseparable we were, how we never let each other out of our sights, how we never wanted to end up together, and how just 3 month ago we did. All of this a build up to this moment, when we have to leave each other’s side and I know that it can’t go on, I pull myself to the edge of the bed and put my boxers on. Look around the room at the boxes ready to go up later that day, and wipe a tear from my eye.
He stirs and faces me, his eyes, so sexy,
“Morning beautiful”
“It’s 8.30, I have to be at work in an hour, sorry about last night”
“Hey forget about it, it’s going to be a pretty mental day!”
“Let me know how you get on, I’m gonna shoot off before we get too mushy, you know I’m no good at goodbyes, ring me ok?” I stroke his face and push a tear onto the sheet, turn away and put my clothes on. His hand touches my shoulder,
“I’ll miss you”
I touch his hand and face him, I plant my lips on his and feel the moist saliva connect and mix.
“Ring me” I turn and walk out of the door and down the stairs, then straight out onto the street.

At work I’m a mess, My eyes are puffy, I managed a quick shower back at home, A buzz goes off in my pocket I check my phone, its Frankie, its 5 to 12 just before the lunchtime rush, he must be just getting ready to leave. My thoughts go back to 5 to midnight, 12 hours ago, the box park. I take a breath and read,
Scott, it I could change the course of time I would, I never thought you would do this, I never thought this would change things so much, I love you, and I’ll be thinking of you in this 5 hour car journey listening to my dad’s music. I understand BUT RIGHT NOW I WISH U WERE HERE. Don’t change, I love you always, Frankie x
A tear drops on the phone. I close my eyes briefly, look away from the text and a customer walks through the door.

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