Posts
No star wears a veil,
shine your light onto me
shine your light that is within you
They say you were born to be this way
that you're not like the others
why have you strayed?
From my own experience with what I say
Im here to stay
my literal body is the only thing holding me back
For forever
only til Im here
For now I am with you
Im sorry I can't be perfect
and sorry I can't be free
Im sorry for the thoughts that I can do no wrong
Is it always me and not you?
How can I blame your motives?
How can I blame your good intention?
I can do nothing but say 'I forgive you' to myself
Move on and towards you,
and say thankyou for a chance to learn
With me smiling
You shine your light on my shadows
say you'll stay with me through my faults
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
postcards Ive made
Here are some postcards I made yesterday! They go in the post tomorrow with the intention of brightening somebodys day- I requested that people comment on my facebook account saying if they wanted me to make them a postcard- but I could only make 5... otherwise I would have been there for a while! and it would have cost me alot of money in stamps too :p if u recieve one it would be great for you to comment! (I realise theres more than 5- but I couldnt resist! Let me know what you think xxx
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Time
Time goes so fast as it always goes,
don't we know?
our own hands,
our life long batteries,
ticking,
until the end,
people drift in and out, but stay strong,
in my mind forever
The wind it moves me,
and blows me where he wants to go,
he never stops,
I don't know if he realises,
like I do,
Down Spanish steps that go on forever,
In the Rome of my mind,
History repeats itself,
In our minds
and the games it plays,
when Im not in this moment,
and in the here and now,
its all we have
Autumn leaves on the steps
stay strong,
try not to brown at the edges and sludge up,
orange and burgudy,
colours rich and dancing free,
until skelentons
and we're all trying to find meaning
and we all want a friend
to say hi to
The precious ticking,
our precious and precarious,
glass face,
and cogs
and wheels
our gift of time
don't we know?
our own hands,
our life long batteries,
ticking,
until the end,
people drift in and out, but stay strong,
in my mind forever
The wind it moves me,
and blows me where he wants to go,
he never stops,
I don't know if he realises,
like I do,
Down Spanish steps that go on forever,
In the Rome of my mind,
History repeats itself,
In our minds
and the games it plays,
when Im not in this moment,
and in the here and now,
its all we have
Autumn leaves on the steps
stay strong,
try not to brown at the edges and sludge up,
orange and burgudy,
colours rich and dancing free,
until skelentons
and we're all trying to find meaning
and we all want a friend
to say hi to
The precious ticking,
our precious and precarious,
glass face,
and cogs
and wheels
our gift of time
Sunday, 2 September 2012
12 Hours
12 hours by Luke Tonks
Sitting in the park opposite my home, in the dead of night and staring up at the stars, thinking of home the boys, all the boys I’ve left behind, all the ones I’ve wanted to spend forever with, now barely remember their names, and why this one has to go, and leave me alone, it was supposed to be me, me who leaves, the inevitable closing of the door, the blank stare when the, “why? Let’s give it another go...” comes along. My eyes well up, my lids useless buckets overflowing and staining my face with their salty contents. Its 5 to midnight and I’m not in the least bit tired, the thoughts running through my head won’t allow for tiredness, only for confusion.
The walls around it speak nothing of what you would normally thing of as a park, more like a space on a plate where there once was a cake, or a bomb site where there was once a row of house’s, shops, life, Eire, but nice enough, the grass scorched from the hot summer beneath me is dry as I lie down with my arms splayed out on the grass.
“Thought I’d find you here”
He stands at the gate, skinny body, well dressed, dry sense of humour, his voice echoing around the boxed park.
“Hey, you left early without saying goodbye”
“Yeah, mm I know I couldn’t really stand it, all those people. What you doing here?”
“Came to find you, plus I couldn’t really stand it either, Janine, and Mark, and the rest of them where well pissed, you know how it gets? Embarrassing?”
He comes closer and sits on the grass next to me, stokes my hair, and I turn to face him, stare at his face, it seems so unfamiliar now.
“I can’t understand it, I still can’t, you leaving, I never thought it would actually happen”
“Don’t, don’t ruin it for me, I thought you’d be happy for me”
“What?” my hand brushes my face wiping the tears away
“I’m only going to Uni, it’s not like I’ll be gone forever.”
“Always knew this day would come … you know, you’re going to make new friends, and forget about me, forget about all of us, you’ve outgrown us”
“Hey Scott, you’ve had a few to drink, you don’t mean that.”
“No I do, you’re different from us Frankie WE ARE NOT LIKE YOU, I’ll still be here, in 5 years, probably still working in the same café, I can’t be someone that you just see on the holidays, I just can’t, I can’t just slot in when you need me, it doesn’t work like that, I don’t work like that.”
“What? So you’re ending it? You’re such a hypocrite, I never wanted to end it, and deep down you don’t, I know you don’t.”
I don’t say anything, because I know what ever comes out of my mouth will be a lie, because I don’t, I know this man, I reach out and hold him, brush my hands through his blonde dry curls on his head. Feel his warm skin, listen to the sound of his breath on my neck, and it hurts, it hurts because I know, I know deep down that it’s never going to be the same again. I can see it now, all the cute guys he’ll meet, in the first week. Cute, intelligent, interesting, I pale in comparison, I don’t stand a chance.
He pulls away from me and looks at me with his brown eyes, “Don’t do this to yourself”
“What? I don’t feel bad, I just want to enjoy this last night with you, I so don’t want to be the boyfriend at home, you know I don’t want that, I think we should break up, let’s not ruin it, let’s not think bad of each other, or draw it out too long”
“Shit, I never expected that, is this honestly what you want? I love you, you know?”
“Thanks”
“Thanks?”
“Yeah. What times your dad droppin’ you off?”
“Changing the subject?” smiling and gives me a shuv, “If you must know it’s gonna be about 12, you comin’ or what? Or you planning on stayin here all night?”
He grabs my hand and we walk into the hazy night and the street lights lighting our way like a gothic black and white silent still. The way back I let him lead the way, I rest on his arm, we don’t say a word, the simple understanding we have, and the knowing that this moment is all we have. Suddenly a Blue door stands in front of us, his home.
“I don’t want to go home”
“It’s my dad though; you know he doesn’t let me have boys over.”
I look at him roll my eyes, and bat my lashes.
“Well, I suppose what he don’t know won’t hurt him, I could sneak you in” his smile, again, this is why we got together in the first place, because nothing else matters when I see that smile.
He turns the key on the lock and looks around to me pressing his finger to his lips, so cute, I want to kiss him. We stumble through the door and head quietly up the stairs to his room which lies directly opposite the stairs. He closes the door behind me, and turns to face me, kisses me on the neck the face, his hands running down my back and into my boxers. Me gripping onto him and wanting him so badly, We stumble over to the bed still clutching each other and he falls back onto it, me climbing on top of him and pulling his buttoned shirt over his head, I run my fingers over his chest, wondering if this is the last time, our last time. His skin is hot to the touch and I feel his hard cock press against my thigh which makes me so hot for him. He releases my button from my jeans and pulls them down, I make love to him for what seems like hours, as if time stands still, and then collapse in a heap of sweat and heat, the open window bringing breeze in, as we hold each other’s naked bodies beneath the white cotton sheets.
Groggy, I look over to the window, light pours through, the morning is silent, beautiful, I lie there thinking about when we first met over 2 years ago, fresh out of school, and the beautiful times we spent together, how inseparable we were, how we never let each other out of our sights, how we never wanted to end up together, and how just 3 month ago we did. All of this a build up to this moment, when we have to leave each other’s side and I know that it can’t go on, I pull myself to the edge of the bed and put my boxers on. Look around the room at the boxes ready to go up later that day, and wipe a tear from my eye.
He stirs and faces me, his eyes, so sexy,
“Morning beautiful”
“It’s 8.30, I have to be at work in an hour, sorry about last night”
“Hey forget about it, it’s going to be a pretty mental day!”
“Let me know how you get on, I’m gonna shoot off before we get too mushy, you know I’m no good at goodbyes, ring me ok?” I stroke his face and push a tear onto the sheet, turn away and put my clothes on. His hand touches my shoulder,
“I’ll miss you”
I touch his hand and face him, I plant my lips on his and feel the moist saliva connect and mix.
“Ring me” I turn and walk out of the door and down the stairs, then straight out onto the street.
At work I’m a mess, My eyes are puffy, I managed a quick shower back at home, A buzz goes off in my pocket I check my phone, its Frankie, its 5 to 12 just before the lunchtime rush, he must be just getting ready to leave. My thoughts go back to 5 to midnight, 12 hours ago, the box park. I take a breath and read,
Scott, it I could change the course of time I would, I never thought you would do this, I never thought this would change things so much, I love you, and I’ll be thinking of you in this 5 hour car journey listening to my dad’s music. I understand BUT RIGHT NOW I WISH U WERE HERE. Don’t change, I love you always, Frankie x
A tear drops on the phone. I close my eyes briefly, look away from the text and a customer walks through the door.
x Hope you enjoyed please feel free to live feedback xxxx
Sitting in the park opposite my home, in the dead of night and staring up at the stars, thinking of home the boys, all the boys I’ve left behind, all the ones I’ve wanted to spend forever with, now barely remember their names, and why this one has to go, and leave me alone, it was supposed to be me, me who leaves, the inevitable closing of the door, the blank stare when the, “why? Let’s give it another go...” comes along. My eyes well up, my lids useless buckets overflowing and staining my face with their salty contents. Its 5 to midnight and I’m not in the least bit tired, the thoughts running through my head won’t allow for tiredness, only for confusion.
The walls around it speak nothing of what you would normally thing of as a park, more like a space on a plate where there once was a cake, or a bomb site where there was once a row of house’s, shops, life, Eire, but nice enough, the grass scorched from the hot summer beneath me is dry as I lie down with my arms splayed out on the grass.
“Thought I’d find you here”
He stands at the gate, skinny body, well dressed, dry sense of humour, his voice echoing around the boxed park.
“Hey, you left early without saying goodbye”
“Yeah, mm I know I couldn’t really stand it, all those people. What you doing here?”
“Came to find you, plus I couldn’t really stand it either, Janine, and Mark, and the rest of them where well pissed, you know how it gets? Embarrassing?”
He comes closer and sits on the grass next to me, stokes my hair, and I turn to face him, stare at his face, it seems so unfamiliar now.
“I can’t understand it, I still can’t, you leaving, I never thought it would actually happen”
“Don’t, don’t ruin it for me, I thought you’d be happy for me”
“What?” my hand brushes my face wiping the tears away
“I’m only going to Uni, it’s not like I’ll be gone forever.”
“Always knew this day would come … you know, you’re going to make new friends, and forget about me, forget about all of us, you’ve outgrown us”
“Hey Scott, you’ve had a few to drink, you don’t mean that.”
“No I do, you’re different from us Frankie WE ARE NOT LIKE YOU, I’ll still be here, in 5 years, probably still working in the same café, I can’t be someone that you just see on the holidays, I just can’t, I can’t just slot in when you need me, it doesn’t work like that, I don’t work like that.”
“What? So you’re ending it? You’re such a hypocrite, I never wanted to end it, and deep down you don’t, I know you don’t.”
I don’t say anything, because I know what ever comes out of my mouth will be a lie, because I don’t, I know this man, I reach out and hold him, brush my hands through his blonde dry curls on his head. Feel his warm skin, listen to the sound of his breath on my neck, and it hurts, it hurts because I know, I know deep down that it’s never going to be the same again. I can see it now, all the cute guys he’ll meet, in the first week. Cute, intelligent, interesting, I pale in comparison, I don’t stand a chance.
He pulls away from me and looks at me with his brown eyes, “Don’t do this to yourself”
“What? I don’t feel bad, I just want to enjoy this last night with you, I so don’t want to be the boyfriend at home, you know I don’t want that, I think we should break up, let’s not ruin it, let’s not think bad of each other, or draw it out too long”
“Shit, I never expected that, is this honestly what you want? I love you, you know?”
“Thanks”
“Thanks?”
“Yeah. What times your dad droppin’ you off?”
“Changing the subject?” smiling and gives me a shuv, “If you must know it’s gonna be about 12, you comin’ or what? Or you planning on stayin here all night?”
He grabs my hand and we walk into the hazy night and the street lights lighting our way like a gothic black and white silent still. The way back I let him lead the way, I rest on his arm, we don’t say a word, the simple understanding we have, and the knowing that this moment is all we have. Suddenly a Blue door stands in front of us, his home.
“I don’t want to go home”
“It’s my dad though; you know he doesn’t let me have boys over.”
I look at him roll my eyes, and bat my lashes.
“Well, I suppose what he don’t know won’t hurt him, I could sneak you in” his smile, again, this is why we got together in the first place, because nothing else matters when I see that smile.
He turns the key on the lock and looks around to me pressing his finger to his lips, so cute, I want to kiss him. We stumble through the door and head quietly up the stairs to his room which lies directly opposite the stairs. He closes the door behind me, and turns to face me, kisses me on the neck the face, his hands running down my back and into my boxers. Me gripping onto him and wanting him so badly, We stumble over to the bed still clutching each other and he falls back onto it, me climbing on top of him and pulling his buttoned shirt over his head, I run my fingers over his chest, wondering if this is the last time, our last time. His skin is hot to the touch and I feel his hard cock press against my thigh which makes me so hot for him. He releases my button from my jeans and pulls them down, I make love to him for what seems like hours, as if time stands still, and then collapse in a heap of sweat and heat, the open window bringing breeze in, as we hold each other’s naked bodies beneath the white cotton sheets.
Groggy, I look over to the window, light pours through, the morning is silent, beautiful, I lie there thinking about when we first met over 2 years ago, fresh out of school, and the beautiful times we spent together, how inseparable we were, how we never let each other out of our sights, how we never wanted to end up together, and how just 3 month ago we did. All of this a build up to this moment, when we have to leave each other’s side and I know that it can’t go on, I pull myself to the edge of the bed and put my boxers on. Look around the room at the boxes ready to go up later that day, and wipe a tear from my eye.
He stirs and faces me, his eyes, so sexy,
“Morning beautiful”
“It’s 8.30, I have to be at work in an hour, sorry about last night”
“Hey forget about it, it’s going to be a pretty mental day!”
“Let me know how you get on, I’m gonna shoot off before we get too mushy, you know I’m no good at goodbyes, ring me ok?” I stroke his face and push a tear onto the sheet, turn away and put my clothes on. His hand touches my shoulder,
“I’ll miss you”
I touch his hand and face him, I plant my lips on his and feel the moist saliva connect and mix.
“Ring me” I turn and walk out of the door and down the stairs, then straight out onto the street.
At work I’m a mess, My eyes are puffy, I managed a quick shower back at home, A buzz goes off in my pocket I check my phone, its Frankie, its 5 to 12 just before the lunchtime rush, he must be just getting ready to leave. My thoughts go back to 5 to midnight, 12 hours ago, the box park. I take a breath and read,
Scott, it I could change the course of time I would, I never thought you would do this, I never thought this would change things so much, I love you, and I’ll be thinking of you in this 5 hour car journey listening to my dad’s music. I understand BUT RIGHT NOW I WISH U WERE HERE. Don’t change, I love you always, Frankie x
A tear drops on the phone. I close my eyes briefly, look away from the text and a customer walks through the door.
x Hope you enjoyed please feel free to live feedback xxxx
Sunday, 1 July 2012
Tragic Poem
So currently Im sitting in a room looking out of a window at a Gorgeous view and thinking- WOW! This is my last week here in this home I have called home for the last 9 months! People living in Brighton are an odd bunch of people, we seem to come here running away from one thing or another, searching for ourselves (constantly) which is (constantly) changing from day to day... We are always on the move even in this city, our friends change, fitness reshemes, homes, clothes, and beliefs are always being shaken up, in fear that one day we might wake up and say- O I do wish I went to see that band/ ate more healthly/ lived in that side of town...
x
x
So thinking about this I wrote a poem.. Please let me know what you think.. Ciao xx
x
x
x
Its not that someone elsewhere that is unhappy,
Leaving me frightfully cool,
Happilly blissed out with my Ice cold Soya Latte,
Restoring the Balance
Everywhere has its thing,
We are all searching for the same in different ways,
look down to the humdrum, a meloncholic, "Thank God its not me"
Between the next yoga, and life modelling class, and detox juice fast,
Your unbound and boundless, when you can leave at anytime, without guilt and without a note to the ones who are left,
is this what we're left with?
Nothing?
Only a storage crate off Lewes road,
full of the things you have collected on this wacky ride
When everyone is popping out kids where will you be?
Searching the Friday ad for your next house share, and starting over?
x
Unintentional intentions keep your mind body and spirit in check,
and your chakras aligned for the next house party,
Change Sapping your energy,
The neverending rearrange of your friends you would have done anything for,
wish they would have/could have stuck around, like your mates back home,
The Humdrum you see doesnt make you too blue, Cus at least you have reliability to get you through
xx
x
x
So thinking about this I wrote a poem.. Please let me know what you think.. Ciao xx
x
x
x
Its not that someone elsewhere that is unhappy,
Leaving me frightfully cool,
Happilly blissed out with my Ice cold Soya Latte,
Restoring the Balance
Everywhere has its thing,
We are all searching for the same in different ways,
look down to the humdrum, a meloncholic, "Thank God its not me"
Between the next yoga, and life modelling class, and detox juice fast,
Your unbound and boundless, when you can leave at anytime, without guilt and without a note to the ones who are left,
is this what we're left with?
Nothing?
Only a storage crate off Lewes road,
full of the things you have collected on this wacky ride
When everyone is popping out kids where will you be?
Searching the Friday ad for your next house share, and starting over?
x
Unintentional intentions keep your mind body and spirit in check,
and your chakras aligned for the next house party,
Change Sapping your energy,
The neverending rearrange of your friends you would have done anything for,
wish they would have/could have stuck around, like your mates back home,
The Humdrum you see doesnt make you too blue, Cus at least you have reliability to get you through
xx
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